Hey, I'm Chloe...
and it is super good to have you here. I'd like to start by issuing a quick pre-warning that my approach henceforth will be to roll with it and hope for the best. I've been doing that for the last 21 years, and it's gotten me this far. Questionably so, maybe, but this far nonetheless.
And by this far, I mean to be the person I am today - singer/songwriter, fictional character enthusiast and absolute emotional wreck.
Of course, I say that last bit in jest, and I can absolutely laugh at myself, but the reality of it is that I have suffered with mental health issues since I was around 14 years old. I've been in and out of therapy in that time, different professionals diagnosing me with different things, prescribing me different medications and identifying a variety of different causes.
Truthfully and somewhat unfortunately, though, I still have absolutely no idea what is wrong with me. I guess part of the reason that I have been passed from pillar to post is because my emotions have always been so confusing. Turns out it's hard to open up to people when you barely even know what the hell you're opening up about yourself.
And if I don't understand, how can I possibly expect anybody else to?
But here's the thing. I have gone round in circles for a very long time - undermining certain issues, exaggerating others, trying my best to say all of the "right" things to mitigate the risk of people thinking I'm a 'freak', and to influence how seriously people take me. But the last 12 months in particular have been huge for me in coming to terms with my own thoughts and feelings, and for the first time in 6 years, I'm finally learning the cruciality of just being honest.
It's difficult, of course. Being honest about how you're feeling when how you're feeling is a disaster of epic proportions is, well, not easy, to say the least. What is easy, however, is branding yourself an 'attention seeker'. Apologising to people for 'oversharing'. Essentially, invalidating your feelings before somebody else gets the chance to.
The funny thing is, I've spent that much time making assumptions about what people will think if I'm honest about the things I really feel that I've forgotten to actually try it...
All the love,